People who know me well will tell you, if you want to know when something truly bothers Blake, don't expect him to necessarily talk about it, but absolutely look to see if he writes an editorial. I don't know why that is. It's one-way and cathartic is my best guess, but when a friend messaged me last night that Matthew Perry had passed away, it was one of those moments I knew I would have to write something about.
It may seem kind of silly to have such a visceral reaction to the passing of someone I never met, but that's sort of the definition of what that is and the reaction was genuine. I think we all remember moments when we heard about the passing of certain celebrities, for whatever reason. For me, this is the third time it's happened. I remember where I was when the news broke that Princess Diana had died and I remember hearing the news that Michael Jackson had passed away. But, this one hurt on a deeper level and I think I know why.
For many people my age, the television show "Friends" is like comfort food. A lot of us still watch it today in syndication. It undoubtedly reminds us of our youth, when things seemed simpler. We all remember that show at its height, when the entire world seemed to pause for thirty minutes on Thursday evenings. But, I'm not sure any of us realized how long we would hang on to "Friends" or how deeply the relationship between those six characters would affect us. Everyone back then felt a strong kinship with one of the friends, but EVERYONE seemed to love Chandler. Personally, I always felt I had more in common with Ross, BUT it's hard to not relate to the every-man that Perry's character represented. He was sarcastic and witty, but self-conscious and awkward. He wasn't the best with girls, but never stopped trying to find love. He was loyal to a fault. He loved his friends.
Through Chandler, we all laughed when he masked his social shortcomings with humor; we rooted for him when he was having a fight with Joey and we cheered - and maybe even teared up - when he and Monica finally realized they were in love. We loved him even more when he explained to a woman putting her baby up for adoption why Monica would be a great mother and we all got fuzzy feelings when he and Joey hugged.
But, that was just Perry as Chandler. As himself, he probably helped the world in an even more profound way when he admitted he had been fighting a serious addiction to drugs and alcohol for decades. It was an addiction which very nearly killed him. In his memoir "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing" he talked about his personal trials in depth, revealing that, at one point, he was taking something like 50 painkillers a day and eventually would go to rehab around 60 times. How could we have not known? How did we miss that this person that made all of our troubles seem to fade away for half an hour each week was right in the midst of battling his own problems?
None of what I've said so far is news to anyone. Even almost 20 years after "Friends" went off the air in 2004, it's one of the most popular television shows in the world. I've heard several celebrities from other countries say they learned English, at least in part, by watching the show. And since the news broke Saturday night, videos of people honoring Perry have surfaced from every corner of the globe.
"Friends" may end up going down in history as the last great American sitcom. Thanks to streaming and other innovations, they really just don't make them like that anymore. And Perry, even before his revelations about addiction no doubt helped millions of people fighting their own battles, was already one of the most beloved of the six actors.
As Chandler, we felt like we knew him personally. We often felt like we were him. As himself - as Matthew Perry - we hurt for him when we knew what he had gone through. We worried about him, and we celebrated for him when he seemed to have beaten that big terrible thing. Now we grieve for him. And it's real. It's right here like some dense fog of sadness and it's strange. We didn't know him, but oh we SO very much DID know him. We never talked to him, but he said so much to us.
At the end of the day, Perry is gone far too young, but there is a reason a stadium full of people at a concert in Australia solemnly sang along to the "Friends" theme song just hours after the news of his death broke. There's a reason the Belfry of Bruges rang its bells in his honor. Whether it was "Friends" or one of his many other TV shows or movies, Perry spent a lifetime making us feel better about our problems, even while he fought his own alone and in silence. Afterward, he pulled back the curtain on his own shame and regret to help everyone else battle theirs. He lived a life that will not soon be forgotten.
And once the shock of his untimely passing fades, so many of us will continue to look to Chandler for comfort and laughter and to help us forget about our own issues for a while. I'm sure just as many will read the pages of his book and listen to his interviews to help carry on their battles against addiction. In short, he promised "I'll be there for you" and he always was.
Thank you, Mr. Perry. We loved you very much!
